Jack: As you continue your practice of mindfulness, you may find the unfinished business of the heart arising. The pains you cany from the past may appear, including those situations you've not been able to forgive. As you develop in mindfulness and compassion you discover that a necessary dimension of well-being is also forgiveness. Forgiveness is the release of anger and blame to start anew.

Without forgiveness, we remain chained to the past, like the two men who are ex-prisoners of war and met many years after their release. One said to the other, “Have you forgiven your captors yet?” The second answered, “No, never.” And in reply, the first said, “Well, then, they still have you in prison, don't they?” Imprisoned in the past, Northern Irish Protestants and Catholics battle over what happened centuries ago. Israelis and Palestinians fight over their mutually painful history. Without forgiveness, we are locked into a cycle of suffering.

Our hearts are armored and stuck in the past. There are a few critical understandings before we can start the practice of forgiveness. First, forgiveness does not mean condoning what happened in the past. It's important to respond appropriately. You can resolve to never again allow harm of this kind to happen and do whatever's necessary to protect yourselves and others, or perhaps never speak to someone who's harmed you, but you can take these actions outside of the prison of resentment and anger, rather than remaining trapped in the suffering yourself. Understand too, that forgiveness is not primarily for others. It is a way of releasing your own heart. Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past. The past is over and for you to move on, like the exprisoners of war, forgiveness can release you from the pain of anger, hatred, and hurt you still carry.

Forgiveness takes its own time. We can't just paper over past harm with a quick phrase, “I forgive you. I forgive you.” It is a long, patient practice. It also helps to recognize that the person who's harmed us was in some way hurting, like the dog in the woods with a leg in the trap. We can bring compassion to our own wounds and see what Longfellow calls, the secret suffering of others.
Sometimes the practice of forgiveness can feel mechanical or even bring up it's opposite, “I'll never forgive them. I hate them.” No matter, simply hold whatever comes up with forgiveness, you can't will forgiveness, but you can be willing. And it is your intention to forgive that gradually opens the door.

The practice of forgiveness. Let yourself sit comfortably, allow your eyes to close and your breath to be natural and easy. Let your body and mind relax and breathe gently into the area of your heart. Now let yourself feel the barriers you've erected because you've not forgiven, not forgiving yourself, not forgiving others and sense the pain of keeping your heart closed. As you do, feel your intention now to let go, to open the heart anew and breathing softly, begin the forgiveness practice.
First, bring to mind someone who you might've harmed, knowingly or unknowingly. As you picture and remember them, allow yourself to see and feel the pain you've caused. And as you envision this person, mentally whisper his or her name and then repeat these words, “In the ways that I've hurt or harmed you, out of my pain and fear, out of my anger and hurt and confusion. I ask your forgiveness, please forgive me. I ask your forgiveness, please forgive me. I ask your forgiveness, please forgive me.” And stay tender, as you witness whatever arises within you.

Now you realize it's important to bring forgiveness to yourself, for ways you've harmed others are causing harm to yourself. Take some moments to reflect on ways you may have harmed yourself, out of your own pain, or fear or hurt, and bring the kindness of a grandmother or grandfather. If it helps you can place your hand gently on your heart, as you do this. “Just as I've caused suffering to others, I've also caused suffering to myself. In the ways that I've caused harm out of my fear and confusion, out of anger and pain and hurt. In this moment, I offer myself forgiveness. I forgive myself, I forgive myself. I forgive myself.” You can even mentally whisper the words, “Forgiven, forgiven.” And sense that this is possible for you.

And lastly, there are many ways in which we've each been harmed by others, betrayed, abandoned, abused. Let yourself remember, and picture one person who you feel unforgiving toward. Allow yourself to feel the pain, or hurt or fear that still lives inside you and sense the vulnerability and the sense of it in your own body. Now, as you feel ready, bring your attention to this one who's caused harm and see if you can sense how their behavior was also driven out of fear and hurt, confusion, unmet needs, anger, and pain. And as you remember this, begin by reciting simply, “In the ways that you have hurt or harm me, knowingly or unknowingly, out of your pain and confusion, out of your anger and hurt, to the extent that I'm ready, I offer you forgiveness. To the extent that I'm ready, I release you. I forgive you. I forgive you.” And if the forgiveness feels incomplete or you're not ready to forgive, you can say, “It is my intention to forgive you. It is my intention to forgive you.”

Remember, forgiveness cannot be forced or artificial. You simply continue the practice and let the words and images work gradually in their own way. And as it feels right, you can add forgiveness practice to your mindfulness and compassion training and use it to let go of the past and open your heart to start a new. As you end this sitting, return to the core practice of mindfulness and kind attention. Sense what is present now, your breath and body, any feelings and thoughts, receiving it all with loving awareness.
© Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield
Reprinted by permission.