Tara: The times when we're most caught in reactivity are the times we're least inclined to call on mindfulness. Let’s say you’ve just found out that your child was suspended from school, or your partner has confessed to an affair, or a mistake you made puts at risk an important project at work. At these times, it’s hard to be present with the fear, or anger, or hurt we’re feeling, and yet, without mindfulness, we run the risk of reacting and creating more conflict, misunderstanding, and harm.
Today, we’d like to share a mindfulness tool that offers in-the- trenches support for working with difficult emotions in any situation. It’s an acronym called RAIN, and it’ll direct your attention in a clear, systematic way that helps cut through confusion and stress. So, here are the four steps. The R of RAIN is “recognize what’s happening,” the A of RAIN is “allow life to be just as it is,” the I of RAIN is “investigate your experience with a gentle attention,” and the N, “nurture with kindness.”

Now, I'll explain these steps, and then we’ll practice together. So, back to the R again, “recognize” means noticing whatever thoughts, emotions, or sensations are arising right here and now. Often, the question “What is happening inside me right now?” helps focus our attention in an immediate way. The A of RAIN, “allowing,” means letting be the thoughts, emotions, or sensations we discover, so even when the last thing we want is to feel the rawness of fear or helplessness, just having the intention to allow or let be helps us to pause and be present. Now, for some, mentally whispering a phrase deepens the pause. It could be whispering “yes” or “this too.” These are words that encourage us to give space to what’s going on, so that’s A, the allowing.

I, “investigate with gentleness”: When an emotion is strong, we deepen mindfulness by bringing a curious, respectful attention to what’s happening. Investigating is not a mental activity. We’re not analyzing why we're behaving in a certain way. Rather, investigating means inquiring, asking where the feelings are in our body and directly contacting the felt sense of our experience.
While it may help us discover a limiting belief, investigating primarily focuses on where we currently feel stuck or vulnerable, and what that part of us is most needing.

Now, that leads to the N. The N of RAIN is “nurture with kindness,” which allows us to respond to what the vulnerable or stuck part of ourselves needs. Often, the unmet need is for acceptance, care, compassion, forgiveness, or understanding, and when we offer some flavor of care inwardly, that allows us to reconnect with our resourcefulness and move on. With the N of RAIN, you might send a message of kindness or forgiveness or understanding inwardly.

Just as after a rain, the natural world blossoms, so it is that after you do the steps of RAIN, there’s an inner opening - a healing, a realization. When you've completed the steps, it’s essential to pause and simply rest in what you’re experiencing. When RAIN is done fully, the story of self can be washed away, leaving a sense of aliveness, immediacy, creativity, and freedom. Even when RAIN is incomplete, you still will notice a shift with less of a sense of a stuck self.

Okay, an example of RAIN: One young man realized he was chronically annoyed with his coworkers and began to use RAIN when he’d be caught in animosity toward them. He’d recognize his inner judge lashing out at another person, and he’d name that as blaming. That’s the R of RAIN. Then, he’d pause, just allowing the whole felt sense of anger and blame to be there. That’s the A.
Then, he'd begin to investigate, sensing the way blame felt in his body, a kind of clutching and tension in his heart and throat. He noticed his belief that, “Well, if this person respected me, they wouldn’t have done that. They wouldn’t have spoken in that way.” Part of investigation was to sense under that belief and contact the emotion of hurt, a feeling diminished. He also felt his own self-aversion for being so insecure and reactive. Next, he practiced the N of RAIN by offering a caring message to his own heart. He'd say, “It’s okay. You can relax now.”

With each round of practicing RAIN, he found his capacity to recognize and contact his experience becoming stronger and the self-kindness deeper. He paused after the steps and felt a distinct shift. He no longer felt so identified as a rejected or deficient person. Rather, he was resting in a much larger, more empowered sense of being. As this man experienced, at first, RAIN might not be necessarily complete. We can recognize and allow, investigate and nurture, but we might not arrive at that full sense of freedom and being unstuck. But, each round gradually deconditions the intensity of our reactivity and gives us more access to our natural intelligence and kindness.

Now, just to know, RAIN isn't different than what you've been practicing in Mindfulness Daily. Rather, it’s a useful strategy for slowing down and systematically bringing mindfulness and kindness to difficult emotions. You can do this on the spot in response to a challenging situation, or you can practice RAIN as applied mindfulness during a meditation.

So, let's explore this together. Please sit in a way that allows you to be comfortable and relaxed, taking a few moments to rest in the inflow and outflow of the breath, settling and calming your body and your mind. Now, bring to mind a situation in your life where you feel really stuck, one that elicits feelings such as anger, fear, shame, or hurt, something that has a moderate charge, not something traumatic. It may be a conflict with a family member, a habit you’d like to change, a failure at work, a conversation you now regret, something that triggers feelings of discomfort and hurt.

As you bring a situation to mind, take some moments to enter the experience so you’re visualizing the scene or the situation, remembering the words that were spoken, sensing the most distressing moments. We begin with the R of RAIN, “recognizing what’s happening.” As you reflect on the situation, ask yourself, “What’s happening inside me right now?”, taking a moment to become aware of your felt sense of the situation as a whole and contacting whatever emotions are predominant.
After the R of RAIN, we go to A, “allowing the situation to be just as it is.” So, finding the willingness right now to pause and accept that in these moments, it’s like this, having the intention just to let be, to let your experience be just as it is.

Following the A or the allowing of RAIN, you begin to investigate with gentleness what’s going on inside you. Bringing an attitude of interest or curiosity, you might ask, “What about this most wants my attention? What most wants my acceptance? What’s the worst part of this?” You might ask yourself, “What am I believing?” Maybe there’s a distinct belief that you’re in some way unlovable, or that you’re failing, or that someone will reject you. Investigating the belief and investigating if you’re believing, let’s say, you're unlovable, how does that feel in your body? Come right into your body and feel the experience. What’s the emotion that comes up?
Is it fear, anger, grief, shame?

Continuing to bring attention to your body, sense the sensations that are there. Perhaps there’s heat or twisting, tightness, soreness. Allow yourself to investigate by going inside the place that feels most hurt or vulnerable. You might ask this place of hurt or vulnerability, “What do you most need? How do you want me to be with you?” Does the suffering part of you want acceptance? Forgiveness? Love?
Now, move into the N of RAIN, and as you sense what’s needed, you might bring in that kindness by offering yourself a wise message, perhaps the phrase “I’m sorry, and I love you.” You might experiment, and very gently, tenderly, place your hand on your heart. Sense what ways that befriending your inner life most allow these moments of nurturing to have a real sense of intimacy and kindness.

As you allow yourself to receive this kind of presence, you might then simply rest in the aftermath of RAIN, the freedom of not being identified with the emotional pain. You're resting more in your natural, compassionate awareness. After the steps of RAIN, there’s nothing to do. Just relax, just rest in the sense of openheartedness and presence, and know this natural awareness as the innermost truth of what you are. 
© Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield
Reprinted by permission.