Tara: We each have times in our life when we're caught in a storm of difficult emotions, when our feelings are so strong that being mindful might not even be possible. This can happen with feelings of fear or despair, and certainly with trauma or panic. When we've been traumatized, our coping strategies have been overwhelmed. We're unable to fight or flee, and that leaves us with feeling frozen and powerless. The experience of trauma gets locked in our body, and when it’s triggered at a later time, we react just as we did at the initial trauma. We’re frozen and helpless. In that state, we have no access to mindfulness. In fact, if we try to open directly to our raw experience, we might end up re-experiencing the feeling of being frozen and helpless, which reinforces the trauma.

What most helps in these situations is what you might consider as a precursor to mindfulness: Intentionally activating inner resources, such as feelings of stability, safety, and connectedness. Now, I liken this to what happens when I’m kayaking upriver with my husband. If the currents are strong, it’s helpful to periodically meet up by tucking our boats behind a large rock. The waters are calm there. We can rest, we recover some energy and strength, we encourage each other, and we get some perspective on how to best navigate the river. In a similar way, when feelings of fear, or shame, or despair are intense, it can help to pause and to purposefully seek some refuge to find some sense of security or connection. This is what helps us to find our way back to mindful

There are a number of different ways that you can find refuge, that you can access inner resources. You can remember people who help give you a sense of safety or connection, you can think of places where you feel safe, you can remember situations where you felt confident and strong, you might send a message to yourself that reminds you that you're loved and safe, and you can use your breath, or even your touch, to calm and balance yourself. It's best to practice strengthening these resources when you’re not triggered. Then, when you do get caught in strong emotions, you'll already have some skill in contacting these supportive inner states.

I did some sessions with a woman who had been sexually and emotionally abused at a young age, and when she'd get triggered as an adult, she'd freeze in fear. When I asked her who helped her to feel most safe, she named three people. I then had her imagine them surrounding her, regarding her with loving care. She told me it felt like she was in a warm bath. Then, I asked if there were words that would deepen that feeling, so she immediately responded, “May I feel safe, may I feel loved.”

Before she left, I suggested she make this her regular practice, visually invoking her caring people, mentally whispering the words, and kinesthetically allowing herself to soak in the feelings of warmth and ease. So, she did this daily for months, and one evening, after an emotionally violent encounter with her boyfriend, she found herself alone and filled with terror. She imagined being encircled by those three trusted people and began whispering her prayer over and over. After some minutes of this, she knew her mind was balanced enough to mindfully open to the fear. Her feelings were raw and searing, but there was enough presence and spaciousness in her mind for them to come and go. She later told me the process had left her more confident, and open, and alive than she could remember ever feeling before in her adult life.

Research has confirmed the power of imagination to make us feel connected to others in a supportive way. When you envision that you’re seeing a loved one, the same neurons fire in your brain and nervous system as when you’re actually seeing them. So, imagination is a tool you can use to generate resources of safety and support that can help you through overwhelming emotions.

The more you consciously cultivate a resource, the more stable and available it becomes for you. As it’s said, where attention goes, energy flows. When we repeatedly direct our minds towards thoughts and memories that evoke feelings of connectedness or strength, the very structure of our brain is altered. We're creating new neural connections, and they serve as vital channels to support our healing.

This next practice will give you a taste of how you can, on your own, cultivate these wholesome inner resources. Please sit comfortably and take a few moments to relax any areas of tension in your body. And now, bring to mind a situation that triggers strong emotions and become aware of the part of you that feels most fearful, upset, reactive, or vulnerable.

Let yourself sense what this part of you most needs to feel supported, perhaps safety or love, sense of strength, a sense of ease. Is there a place - and, some might call it sacred space - that you sense would help you connect with inner resources? You might visualize a place that’s beautiful, comforting, and safe. It could be a place you know or one that you're imagining, a place in the mountains or by the ocean, in the woods, perhaps a beautiful temple or sanctuary, or a place in your home that’s familiar and that you love.

Let yourself visualize and sense this place, and then imagine and feel your self transported there, and imagine resting comfortably there. Let yourself take in the surroundings, the colors, the warmth or coolness, the scents, the feeling of the earth or floor beneath you. Let this feeling of sacred space surround and hold you so you feel a sense of belonging.

As you experience being in this space, sense now who might be a comforting or loving presence to connect with. Bring to mind, perhaps, someone you know personally that is loving and kind and wise, maybe a parent or friend, a child or teacher, perhaps your dog or your cat. It could be someone you know personally, or perhaps a spiritual figure, someone alive that’s inspiring, or perhaps a spiritual deity. It could be the Buddha or Kuan Yin, Jesus. Sense who brings the most sense of ease and connection, safety and strength. Call on that person or being, and sense that being responding, present, right here with you. Let yourself feel in your body the increased sense of safety and connection when that being is right here with you.

What’s it like? What are the sensations? Can you sense some warmth, some ease, some opening? As you feel this being’s presence, allow your breath to lengthen, letting in comfort and ease, and exhale slowly, letting go of tension. Explore placing your hands on your heart, gently touching your heart, or perhaps your belly, communicating tenderness, breathing in comfort and ease, exhaling tension, breathing in exactly what’s needed to calm and soothe, letting go of what’s not needed or helpful.

Are there any words that might deepen your sense of being peaceful, loved, and safe? It might be a wise message to yourself or a self-blessing of care. If something comes to mind, explore mentally whispering these words with a soft, sincere inner voice to your own heart. Now, just rest, aware of a growing sense of relaxation, connection, groundedness, and wellbeing. Take a few moments to sense that whatever inner resources you're finding in these moments were already there, and that the more you visit them, the more available they will be.

We'll close this meditation with a verse from the poet Hafiz: “How did the rose ever open its heart and give to this world all its beauty? It felt the encouragement of light against its being. Otherwise, we all remain too frightened.”

For many people, resourcing helps nourish a vibrant and strong mindfulness practice. Feel free to explore this guided meditation and adapt into whatever way best suits your needs.
© Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield
Reprinted by permission.