Quote: "When we are unconditionally kind and present, we directly dissolve the trance of unworthiness and separation. In accepting the waves of thought and feeling that arise and pass away, we realize our deepest nature, our original nature, as a boundless sea of wakefulness and love." ~Tara Brach~
Tara: Today's practice for mindful living is called Seeing Goodness. We each need for our essential value to be seen and honored. This means that when we're able to bear witness to goodness in others and ourselves as well, it's a precious gift. Focusing on the good doesn't usually come naturally to us. Our survival-based negativity bias means we're inclined to continually scan the world for danger, not for what we might appreciate. And while this capacity may have saved our ancestors in the jungle, it's not necessarily a healthier or gratifying way to move through the modern world.
Seeing goodness does not mean we ignore problems or deny difficulties. It's not about wearing rose-colored glasses. It's about evolving past some of that negativity bias so that we can genuinely see what's good and nourish it in ourselves and others. It's seeing with the eyes of wisdom and a kind heart, much as a caring grandfather or grandmother might. Research has shown that typically a person needs six times the number of positive comments to every negative one to believe and let in the truth of their goodness. We need each other's support in this. When others see our goodness, we trust it more, allowing it to blossom.
One school teacher who had a troubled high school class decided one day to ask the students to write down one good thing they saw in each person in the class. Then the teacher collected the pages, anonymously compiled the comments, and return them to each Student. Reading so much appreciation from each other transformed the class for the rest of the year. Nelson Mandela put it this way, "It never hurts to see the good in someone. They often act the better because of it." It's important to bring this practice to ourselves. As we've discussed, we easily get in the habit of focusing on what's wrong with us and living inside the trance of unworthiness. Yet by practicing seeing our goodness, we begin to undo this conditioning. And while it can feel difficult or awkward at first, whatever negativity we carry was conditioned and can be altered. We can rewire our brain toward a nourishing and healing self-appreciation.
The practice of seeing goodness we'll explore is sourced in an ancient and traditional mindfulness practice called Seeing Original Goodness. Every child is born with an innocence of spirit and with unique gifts. This is called by the mystics the Secret Beauty of Each Being, and it expresses through our bodies and feelings, thoughts, and actions in infinite ways. We can sense our own original goodness by remembering our deepest intention, our love for others, our appreciation for beauty, our wonder at the night sky. And each day at work or at home, in our clinic or classroom, we can look for the original goodness, the secret beauty and those around us. Even when others are acting out of their fear or anger, we can sense how they're like that dog with its leg in a trap and see passed the behaviors to the being who wants to love and be loved, the being who like us wants to live this life fully and well. If we look deeply, we can see the childlike innocence and beauty that shines through.
We all forget our goodness at times and get caught in unhealthy patterns of self-doubt and defensiveness and fear. The greatest gift we offer to each other is to become mirrors of goodness. To remind each other to trust our intrinsic creativity and wisdom. To trust the purity of our hearts. In a similar way, as we remember our own original goodness, we relax back into our natural loving being and are more free to live from the truth and wholeness of who we are. So, let's practice together. Please come sitting in a comfortable way, take some moments to relax any areas of obvious tension in your body. And deepening presence now as you rest with the movement of the breath or with the sensations in your body with your primary anchor. Now, let yourself picture someone you care about someone, easy to love. Bring the image and sense of this person close in so you can visualize how they look at you when they're being affectionate. The sparkle in their eyes when they're happy or excited. Their aliveness.
What are the qualities of this person that you most deeply appreciate? Is it the person's way of showing love? Their brightness? Their playfulness? As you sense these expressions of their innate goodness, imagine sharing your appreciation of what you see with them and how they would feel in receiving this expression of your love. Now imagine that they're gazing back at you, seeing the qualities of goodness that they most love about you. What are they seeing? What are the qualities of your original goodness that you most appreciate?
Your humor?
Your kindness?
Perhaps it's your honesty?
Your love of the natural world?
If it's difficult to find qualities you appreciate, you might picture your happiest moments as a child and sense your original innocence. Just as the eyes of a trusted dear one can see your goodness, put your hand on your heart and hold your best self with deep appreciation and love. Now, picture a few other loved ones, one at a time, and tune into their goodness. You might've tuned to qualities you appreciate in their current selves. Or if the person brings up more complex feelings, imagine him or her as a child, happy and at ease. With each, be a mirror of goodness. Imagine sharing your appreciation of their goodness with them and how they would feel in receiving this expression of your love.